Nearly every family has the moment: you turn around in the cereal aisle or at the splash pad and your child is not where they were a second ago. It almost always ends a minute later. What happens in that minute depends mostly on whether the child already knows what to do.
This guide is the plan to teach them, in the order a child would use it, and the practice that makes it automatic. It is general parenting and teaching information. If your child is missing, tell the nearest employee or security officer right away, and call 911 if you cannot find them quickly.
What should a child do the moment they realize they are lost?
Stop, stay put if it is safe, look around, and yell for their grown-up by name.
Kidpower International, a nonprofit that teaches personal safety skills, gives children a short sequence in its guide What If I Get Lost?:
- Stop. Do not run to look.
- Stand tall and strong if it is safe to stay where you are. If not, move to the nearest safe place, such as from the street to the sidewalk. Younger children are told to make their bodies strong and still like the trunk of a tree.
- Look around for your adults.
- Yell the names you use for them: "MOM! GRANDPA! AUNTIE JO!"
- Then follow the safety plan for getting help.
Two details in that list are worth saying out loud to a child. First, The same guide notes that most of the time when children think they are lost, their grown-up is close by, and taking a moment to stop and look is enough. Second, a child is allowed to yell anywhere, even in a library, a movie theater or a restaurant. Children who have spent years being told to use an inside voice need that permission spelled out.
Why should a lost child stay in one place?
Because a moving child and a moving parent can keep missing each other.
Kidpower's guide says that, most of the time, children who are lost should stay where they are to give their adults a chance to find them, especially in bigger places such as a shopping mall, a park, a zoo or a busy sidewalk. A child who wanders to look for the parent turns one search into two.
The exception is safety. If the spot is not safe, the child moves to the closest safe place and stays there. In a store, that might be the nearest checkout counter. Outdoors, it is the closest safe spot to where they first noticed they were lost.
Who should a lost child ask for help?
A store clerk with a nametag, a uniformed police officer, or a parent with children, and the child stays where they are while that person helps.
NCMEC's KidSmartz program gives parents the exact words to use instead of "never talk to strangers": "You should not approach just anyone. If you need help, look for a uniformed police officer, a store clerk with a nametag, or a parent with children." KidSmartz points out that some strangers, like store clerks, police officers and parents with children, can be helpful when a child is in need, which is the whole problem with teaching "stranger danger" to a child who might get lost. Our guide to teaching kids personal safety covers that shift in more detail.
Kidpower adds a backup for when there is no worker in sight: ask a woman with children. Its stated reason is that, statistically, the unknown person least likely to harm a child is a woman with children. If there is no one like that, the child looks for a woman or a man who seems calm and respectful. Whoever they ask, the child should be clear that they want to stay in the store or the place where they are, and ask a different adult if the first one is not listening.
The rule to repeat most often is the last one. A lost child stays put and lets the helper bring the grown-up to them. They do not go to the parking lot, the manager's office or anywhere else with anyone.
What should a child memorize, and how?
Their own full name, a parent's full name, a phone number and their address, learned as a song.
The Illinois Early Learning Project's tip sheet, summarized by Illinois Extension, lists exactly those four: children should know their name, their parents' names, a phone number and their address, and a song may help them memorize it more easily. Sing it often. The AAP's fire safety guidance asks for the same thing for a different reason: children should know their home address so they can tell a firefighter or a 911 operator where to come.
A few things make the number stick:
- Set it to a tune they already know. Use the same tune every time, and send the words to anyone else who sings it with them.
- Practice saying it to someone. A helper needs to hear it clearly, so have the child say it slowly to a grandparent or a teacher, not just sing it to you.
- Write it where they see it daily. Our Personal Safety chart opens with a Your Circle box, "Know your trusted adults by name and number." Its dry-erase surface lets you write the names and numbers right on it and wipe them when they change.
- Use a backup for younger children. Kidpower says some parents tape their mobile number to a younger child's sleeve before going somewhere crowded, and it suggests teaching the child to point to it and say, "This is my mom's number. She's here, but I can't find her. Please call her!"
At home, the Emergency Information Sign has fill-in lines for a primary contact, a backup contact and their phone numbers, along with the home address. Hang it by the door or the phone and have your child read the numbers off it during practice. It is the same information a babysitter needs, which the AAP also recommends leaving near the phone.
How do you practice getting lost without scaring a child?
Turn it into a short pretend game that always ends with the child found.
Kidpower's practice, adapted for a living room or a classroom:
- Pretend you are in a big store. Choose a spot in the room to be "checkout counter number one."
- Stop, stand tall and look around. Ask the child to name something they can actually see, like the clock, so they really look.
- Yell the names. If the child is shy, yell together.
- Go to the checkout. Ask: do you go to the front of the line or the end? This teaches that for a safety problem, you go to the front and interrupt the cashier.
- Say the words. "Excuse me, I need your help. I'm lost." If the pretend cashier is impatient, coach the child to keep going: "But I'm lost!"
- End with the reunion. Rush up as the grown-up and say, "There you are! Great job following our safety plan."
Younger children like to see a resolution at the end of a practice, especially one about getting lost, so that last step is not optional. The point is that the child finishes the game feeling capable.
The Illinois Early Learning Project suggests the same rehearsal in real places: "Let's pretend you don't see me at the library. Show me what you would say to the librarian at the desk." For older children, Kidpower adds a harder round, in which the pretend cashier tries to lead the child to the manager's office and the child practices pulling away and saying, "My safety plan is to stay at this checkout stand if I'm lost."
What should parents do before a crowded outing?
Two minutes of setup at the entrance: a photo, a meeting spot, and a look at the helpers.
The Illinois Early Learning Project lists several habits for adults:
- Take a picture of your child at the start of the day in a crowded place such as a theme park, so you can show people exactly what they are wearing.
- Tell the child where you will be. "I'll be sitting on this green bench near the slide."
- Know the exits and keep an eye on activity near them.
- Point out the helpers. "The workers here wear nametags. There is always someone at the front desk. If you are lost, tell a worker."
- Know who you would contact, such as guest services at a theme park, security at a mall or the police.
Kidpower adds a habit that hands the job to the child: teach them to ask you, every time you arrive somewhere new, "What's our safety plan if we get lost from each other here?" Agree on something easy to find, such as the person running the closest ride at an amusement park. The guide also recommends reviewing the plan each time you go somewhere you have not been for a while, because for a young child even a week can feel like a long time. And because phones do not always work, any plan that relies on one needs an alternative.
What happens on the store's side?
Many stores already have a lost-child procedure, so tell an employee immediately.
NCMEC's Code Adam program was created in memory of 6-year-old Adam Walsh, who was abducted from a Florida department store. NCMEC describes it as a search tool for lost and potentially abducted children, used in hundreds of thousands of locations nationwide, with search protocols that businesses, parks and government buildings can put in place for free. You do not need to know whether a particular store uses it. Find the nearest employee, describe your child using the photo you took at the door, and let the store's procedure start. If you cannot find your child quickly, call 911.
What if a child gets lost outdoors?
The rule flips slightly: stay in the closest safe place and call back when people call your name.
Kidpower's plan for children lost in nature, such as on a hike or at a campsite, is to wait in the closest safe place to where they first noticed they were lost. Children should know that you will look for them, and that a ranger or even a search party full of strangers may come. People will be calling their name, and the child's job is to call back so they can be found. This is the one situation where going with a stranger, the ranger or the search party, is the right answer, and it is worth telling an older child that directly.
Where do the charts come in?
At child eye height, as the daily reminder of the plan you have already practiced out loud.
The Personal Safety chart carries the parts of the plan a young child can own: know your trusted adults by name and number, yell for help, and tell a trusted adult if something feels wrong. The smaller 8.5 by 11 inch version fits beside a homeschool desk or inside a binder. In a classroom, the Classroom Safety Charts 10 Pack includes the same chart, titled Stranger Safety there, with seven others and a Safety Corner banner. Our guide to setting up a safety corner covers where they hang.
For more hands-on practice, the safety activities for preschoolers post includes an address song and a trusted adult hand tracing that pair naturally with this plan. Browse every chart in the safety corner collection.
